Stroke Number One: Effected my balance, My brain repaired itself, it got better so I did what any good South Carolinian would do and prayed it would not happen again. Stroke Number Two: Way more serious. I have a clear memory of it happening. Lost control of my prostate (Pee) Fell in the hallway on the way to the bathroom. I fell in front of the room where my dog was sleeping. I tried to call out to him to wake him up. What came out sounded like an alien language. Eventually my brain reorganized itself, I made it to the bathroom and back to the bed. All of this woke my mom up. I just wanted to sleep, all of this exhausted my brain. My left side was still noticeably weaker. My mom called 911 when she came into my room to check on me and i had to push off the bed to sit up. (she knew this was odd for me.) Stroke Number Three: my small town hospital only had a CAT scan. No MRI machine. I had walked out of the house. Answered every question the paramedic gave me. They thought I had just hit my head. CAT scan is not detailed enough to show the stroke I had just had. I had no insurance. This means I had to lay in the emergency room for 12 hours waiting on a transport to take me 25 miles to the nearest city. That is where stroke number three occurred. Apparently a brain stem, massive stroke. My left hand side was completely dead. I could not talk I could not suck water out of a straw. I would have choked to death if I had been able to.

I am not a doctor. What I'm about to say is just from the knowledge I've gathered. The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, emotions and I guess speech and your vocal cords. (at least half of them.) your brain is not supposed to sit in a pool of blood and that is exactly what happened to the right side of my brain. The brain tissue died. It sat like that for too long. But we only use between five and 10% of our brain. We have the rest available to make new connections. The side of my brain where I have the damage is not going to get better. It's not getting better. I'm making new connections that allow me to speak and move on my left hand side. It is slow going progress. I have the strength of an adult but no control over those muscles. Or at least much less. The left hand side of my brain feels like it is on fire. And no, that does not mean I can actually feel the difference between left and right, but I can perceive what is happening. Self control was basically wiped away. Some of it has slowly come back, but I get stuck in certain thought patterns that I cannot get out of. Certain comments or remarks that people make blow me up.

No, I can't control it. No I can't just stop it. But people who can, don't stop themselves and they make my life hell. The most recent tweet I posted about set me off because it describes being gay as harmful. There is absolutely nothing fucking harmful about me. The worst I'm going to do is pollute your ears with Disney music and put you to sleep talking about computers. I'm not out here creating armies of children and instilling my hate on them. Parents fuck us up enough. I want to sing Disney music, watch some sci-fi, play with my computers and die. I have never felt the need to procreate. I am fucked up enough for myself.

So when I unfriend and block a person it's because that person is causing me mental harm. Because that person cannot help but tell me how I should be and how I should feel. That is how I ended up in this situation, so, fuck y'all. Not all of y'all but a lot. And when you have a stroke or your relative has a stroke and they're never the same again, now you know why. Deal with it.

Written by B. On June 7th, 2026. Image generated by Google's Gemini.