Title inspired by the South Park episode "Die Hippie, Die."

The New Missionary Position

I'm becoming much more comfortable talking about what happened to me and why. It is deeply personal. Quickly my mission is becoming to try to prevent others from experiencing my pain.

Thing about me is, I had it fairly easy. Until I open my mouth I can pull off straight. And if I want to, I don't even sound gay. But once I get excited or a Disney song comes on, it just comes flying out. Lol

Truth is, I never hid shit. Not for long at least. I never came out and said the words "I'm gay" to people. But it's hard to have a real conversation with me without me saying "my ex-boyfriend." And I do that on purpose. It's my way of coming out. And if I don't want people to know I'm gay, I just keep my mouth shut. But ever since I had to learn to talk again, it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I fought like hell to be able to speak again. I fought like hell to be able to sing "Part of Your World" again. Lol

Truth is, I never tried to kill myself until after my strokes. I wanted it to just happen. Did I think about it? Yes.

Now we're going to talk about some cold hard facts.

LGBT adults are 2-3 times more likely to have thought about suicide than their heterosexual counterparts.

40-45% of LGBT youth say they have seriously considered suicide in the past year. Compared to 14-15% of their heterosexual counterparts. This only considers people who have self-reported via an annual survey conducted by The Trevor Project.

LGBT youth are four times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth.

Transgender and bisexual percentages can be even higher than gay and lesbian. I'm gay. I can only imagine what it would feel like to be bisexual or transgender. At least with me the differences were very clear cut from the beginning. And I never felt like I was in the wrong body. The few bisexual people I've known, they try to live a normal heterosexual life while cheating on their partners with me. It is what it is. And they feel like shit themselves their whole lives because they desire something different and more. No one believes that they're actually attracted to both. I do, but it took me a long time to come to that conclusion.

Personally I have not experienced that much direct hate. But I have seen it all around me my entire life. You don't have to directly experience hate to know that people hate what you are. And it doesn't matter how much you personally as a reader of this don't hate LGBT people. It's there and it's prominent. I feel like gay marriage just made it worse.

I personally feel like we are backsliding as a society. All you have to do is look at the way transgender people are being targeted by laws and shit. In Florida they have this "Don't Say Gay" shit in school. They're banning books from school libraries—books that might help a kid realize they're not alone. They're trying to control what school librarians can put on the shelves, turning librarians into thought police or forcing them out of their jobs entirely. People are just killing their own sons and daughters by spreading more and more hate.

I feel like this will turn around. The pendulum always swings in different directions. I feel like we are due for a swing back. But it fucking sucks now. Let's leave it at that.

Originally written by B. on April 13th, 2026. Edited by Claude. Titles and Final Edit by the Homo.

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